You think my about page is the truth? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Great gems from http://blog.esaba.com/projects/facts/index.php?n=Ben&g=male:
- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Ben would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
- We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, “Please don’t kill me.” Too bad Ben doesn’t believe in magic.
- Ben’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Ben.
- Mr. T once defeated Ben in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Ben invented racism.
- Ben doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
- Ben is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
- Ben can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
- Ben got a perfect score on his SAT’s, simply by writing Ben for every answer.
- Ben doesn’t have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.
- Ben uses a night light. Not because Ben is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ben.
- Ben knows the last digit of pi.
- When Ben goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
- Once a cobra bit Ben’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
- Ben invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- It is scientifically impossible for Ben to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
- M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Ben can touch this.
- When Arnold says the line “I’ll be back” in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Ben for help.
- Ben destroyed the periodic table, because Ben only recognizes the element of surprise.
- The saddest moment for children is not when they learn Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when they learns Ben is.
- The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Ben.
- Ben can delete the Recycling Bin.
And of course, the best
Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Ben.”